The Legend of No Plot
by Dee1
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen of you mixed the cast of Dragoon, an insane teenager, and a fic with no plot? Probably not, but read it so I feel good! Keep in mind that it has absolutley no point and is there solely to make people laugh. Sorry if I upload


Authors Note: Ok then. I got bored, and decided to write this. Some of you may find it stupid. It basically has no plot, none of the humor stories I write ever have plots. (Well ok. Some of them do. But I never said they were good.) This isn't technically my first Dragoon fic, but uhh, that'll be explained later. It doesn't have a certain time in the game that it follows, and I'm in it. How does that work? I dunno, it's fanfiction! I finished the game about a year ago, so if I made any mistakes regarding something about a character or whatever let me know. It's written in the script format, and the words "damn", "hell", and "crap" are used, but nothing worse than that. There is bashing of all characters, and bashing of myself. You don't like it? Get a sense of humor. Or at least try to understand I have a very strange one. I try to steer away from comments that I think will offend people,but if I do offend you, I'm sorry. If you flame me, I will enjoy laughing at you. Now for the legal stuff. I do not own "The Legend Of Dragoon" or any other game/show/whatever mentioned in this story. Therefore don't sue me, or I will be forced to sick my rabid lawyer on you. He can be quite unpredictable. Oh yeah, and another thing. At one point I make reference to plots of fics that other people have written. I'm not trying to steal anyone's ideas, I'm merely stating what's been done already. You'll understand what I mean if you read. And "For the love of Soa" is copyright o' me. Now in the words of Mills Lane, "LET'S GET IT ON"!   
  
/This means someone is thinking./  
(This means an action is being performed.)  
Words in CAPS are being either exaggerated or yelled.   
-- after a word means the person is being interrupted.  
  
  
  
The Legend of No Plot  
  
  
Setting: An Inn...In one of those towns...Or something.   
Time: Noon  
  
(It's rather quiet, a bit too quiet. In the lobby of the Inn stand Dart, Rose, Albert, Haschel, Meru, Kongol,and Miranda. No seriously, they're just...standing there.)  
  
Dart:...Umm. Let us go forth and...umm...Do stuff.  
Rose: Yes. Lead us in doing stuff oh fearless leader.  
Meru: OOH OOH! I GET IT! ROSE WAS BEING SARCASTIC!  
Haschel: Behold the idiocy of a Wingly.  
Kongol: Kongol want food.  
Miranda: Miranda want silence!  
Dart: Hey. Did anyone notice that Albert isn't saying anything?  
  
(Albert sits there patiently, waiting for the author to give him lines. When nothing happens, he holds up a sign that says "I want to talk!". Nothing happens. He holds up another sign, "Aww come on! What did I ever do to you?!". Nothing. Finally he gets annoyed and holds up a sign that says...WHOA! THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE! Suddenly Dee, the insane author, appears in the story.)  
  
Dee: For the love of Soa,Al! Was that really necessary?!  
Albert: Yes. And don't call me Al. I hate you.  
Dee: WELL I HATE YOU TOO THEN!  
Rose: I think I will go back to being silent.  
  
(She does so.)  
  
Dee: Rose has constant PMS.  
Haschel: Yep. *crack* OW! MY BACK!  
Miranda: Idiot.  
Kongol:...Kongol want food.  
All: SHUT UP!  
  
(Kongol whimpers, then starts to cry like a little baby. Everyone blinks.)  
  
Dee: Aaaaaaaanyway, don't you guys have anything to do?  
Dart: I dunno. Make us do something. You're the author.  
Dee: Umm. But I hate plots.   
Albert: How about we all go on a ski trip and--  
Dee: Been done.  
Miranda: What about a story about Meru and Guaraha and--  
Dee: Also been done.  
Rose: What about a story starring me?  
Dee: That's also been done. Many times.  
Albert, Miranda, and Rose: Crap.  
Dart: What about that story you wrote about us fighting against the cast of Legend Of Legaia in order to prove which game is better that you started but never finished and never told anyone except your one friend about to escape from embarrassment for writing such a stupid fic?  
Dee:...Oh you're a nasty one.  
Dart: Thank you.  
Dee: Well fine. Go fight the Legaia cast! You can win! You're all powerful Dragoons! (Screaming like in the Waterboy) YOU CAN DO IT!  
Kongol: Short child right. We beat blue haired freak and friends!  
Dee: YEAH! YOU BET I'M RIGHT!  
Dart: LET'S GO!  
  
(They all rush out the door screaming like a high school football team at a pep rally, and Dee just stands there for a while, apparently thinking, which is quite a rarity.)  
  
Dee:...Hey...He called me short!   
  
(About a half an hour passes. And Dee has fallen asleep from boredum. The door opens, and the Dragoon gang stumbles in with bruises and cuts all over their bodies. Dee wakes up, and tries her hardest not to laugh at them.)  
  
Dee: Dude. *smirk* You got beat up *giggle* by people who *grin* you outnumber and are supposed to *muffled laugh* be superior to?!  
  
(Rose gives the Dee the death glare, and Dee cowers and quickly shuts up.)  
  
Dart: They...umm...cheated! Yeah! That's it! They cheated!  
Dee: Who're you kidding?   
Dart: (Pouting) Ok ok! We just plained sucked out there!  
Dee: I'm VERY disappointed in you all! DROP AND GIVE ME 20!  
All: YES MA'AM!  
  
(They all drop and start doing push-ups, until they realize who they're taking orders from and get up with annoyed looks on their faces.)  
  
Dee: Ehehe...I was just kidding?  
  
(The 7 Dragoons back Dee into a corner, when suddenly the door bursts open, and in enters the God of Dragoon, Lloyd himself.)  
  
Lloyd: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU WILL ALL DIE!  
Meru: Umm. Why?  
  
(Lloyd checks his script.)  
  
Lloyd: Oh. Oops. Wrong script. Sorry. That one's for a story with an actual plot.  
  
(Dee's eyes get really wide, to a point which it's scary. This freaks the Dragoons out, and they all back away. Dee then jumps from the corner and tackles Lloyd's legs, nearly knocking him over. She kisses his boots in between words.)  
  
Dee: LLOYD YOU ARE GOD I WORSHIP THEE WE ARE NOT WORTHY OF YOUR PRESENCE WHY DO YOU HANG OUT WITH THESE LOSERS OVER HERE ARE YOU SINGLE CAN WE GO OUT LATER CAN I HAVE A POSTER OF YOU TO ADD TO MY OTHER 1,000 ARE YOU--  
Lloyd: Whoa! Slow down! And stop talking in a run-on sentence!  
Dee: English isn't my best subject ya know...  
Haschel: Do you even have a subject you're good at?!  
Miranda: Of course not! She's an idiot!   
Dee: I AM NOT! I just think slow...  
  
(Dee has a sudden flashback of a time in school...)  
  
Teacher: Ok. Could you please give us the answer to question 1?  
Dee: Umm. I didn't get that one.  
Teacher: Ok. We'll skip it for now. What about number 2?  
Dee: Uhh. Didn't get that one either.  
Teacher: Number 3?!  
Dee: Nope.  
Teacher: Did you even do the Homework?!  
Dee: I uhh, wrote my name! And that's right! Oh wait...no It's not. I spelled it wrong.  
  
(The teacher is dramatically silent for a few seconds, then he proceeds to bang his head into the blackboard repedietly.)   
  
Teacher: WHY ME GOD?! WHY?!  
  
(The flashback ends and Dee returns to reality.)  
  
Dee: Ok...So maybe I am an idiot.  
Kongol: Kongol wa--  
Rose: Say it and you die.  
Kongol:...  
  
(Shana and Guaraha suddenly appear out of no where.)  
  
Guaraha: The hell?  
Shana: MY LIFE IS A LIE!...Oh. Umm. Hello.  
Narrator: And they all lived happily ever after!   
  
THE END  
  
Dee: HEY! Wait a second! Only I can end the story!  
Narrator: Well, you don't have to be so grouchy.  
Dee: I'LL KICK YO' Censored!  
Narrator: OH YEAH?!  
Lloyd: Oh my god! She's arguing with the narrator!  
Albert: Dee! You moron! NO ONE argues with the narrator and lives!  
Dee: I'm the author. I can make whatever I want happen!  
  
(Haschel suddenly drops dead from a heart attack.)  
  
Dee: See?  
Dart: Oh my god!  
Meru: You killed Haschel!  
Kongol: YOU Censored!  
Meru: Alright, who's the Censored censoring every word we say?  
Dart: I dunno. But it's Censored annoying!  
Rose: HEY! QUIT CENSORING US YOU Censored!  
Meru: Ah come o--Censored HEY! I didn't even say anything wro--Censored! QUIT THCensored AGH!!  
  
(Meru whips out her Mallet O' Death, or so Dee calls it, and bashes the censoring guy to death.)   
  
Dee: That works.  
Albert: So now what?   
Guaraha: This sucks. Hey Meru! Let's go in the back room and makeout!  
Meru: Sounds good to me!  
  
(They both run to the back room and slam the door.)  
  
All: *blink*...*blink*  
Dee: Kinky.  
Dart: Hey. That's not a bad idea. Come on Shana!  
Shana: WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME GOD?! WHY WHY WH--Oh. If you say so Dart.  
  
(They proceed to the back room.)  
  
Dee:...HEY LLOYD!--  
Lloyd: Don't even think about it.  
Dee: Damn.  
Kongol: Now what we do?  
Miranda: Good question.  
Dee: LET'S ALL INSULT MIRANDA!  
Miranda: YOU Censored!  
Dee: Hey...The censoring guy came back to life.  
  
(Miranda ignores the fact that the censoring has started again, and shoots an arrow at Dee.)  
  
Narrator: *doink* 2 DAMAGE!  
Dee:...You're sad.   
Miranda: Hey! I'm not weak!  
Dee: Yes you are.  
Miranda: GAAAAAH! DIIIIIIE!  
  
(Miranda attacks Dee, and a fight ensues.)  
  
Kongol: CAT FIGHT! MEOW HISS!  
  
(Lloyd, Albert, and Rose look at Kongol strangely.)  
  
Kongol: Umm. I mean, this bad.  
  
(Dee kills Miranda because, let's face it, Miranda is just pathetic.)  
  
Dee: So, anway.  
Rose: What the hell is THAT?  
  
(Rose points to a huge hole in the wall.)  
  
Dee: OH MY GOD! THERE'S A HOLE IN THE PLOT!  
  
*Note* Beware of the puns.  
  
Albert: But, there is no plot.  
Dee: ...That's true. Anyway, I should end this now. BYE PEOPLE!  
  
(There's suddenly a yell from the back room.)  
  
All:...  
Rose:...Can we really be sure they're only making out back there...?  
Narrator: END!  
  
(And indeed the fic does.)  



End file.
